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Create your colleagues
Love them or hate them, there are some staple colleagues that you’ll find in every office you ever work in. From slackers to try-hards, and everything in between, we’ve picked out the office characters for you to print off, cut out, and keep as your very own desk buddies!
The Health Freak
They may force concoctions of vegetables upon you that even Jamie Oliver himself wouldn’t dare to touch, but deep down you know that you need the Health Freak around. Who else would bring you back to reality after a bake sale day at the office? The Health Freak is always punctual, even though they’ve probably conquered a 10K run, put their washing away, and finished their weekly shop at the local organic grocers before you’ve made it to your desk. Where does that endless bounding energy come from?
You don’t want to be supping on green tea all day, you need a dose of caffeine, too. Enter the Killjoy. Grab a jug of full-strength coffee and embrace all things cynical. Got a meeting? Do you really need one? Got a deadline? Will anybody really notice if you finish it next week? If you’ve written something that you think reads well, just pass it over to the Killjoy and they’ll pick the grammatical mistake in there! Though this colleague may sound like a full-time downer, you need the Killjoy as much as any other. Nobody else will tell it like it is.
The Suck Up
The Suck Up is an asset to every office. They will be more than happy to attend any meeting, already brimming with ideas. Ask them to research something and you’ll be presented with a dictionary-sized document of every variable option. They’ll gladly work until midnight if you ask them to. Like a bug, you won’t be able to avoid feeling enthused, so give it a chance and see how the Suck Up helps your office productivity levels soar!
Mr Big Shot
You imagine that on a Sunday morning, watching TV on the sofa, this guy still has his suit on. It’s like his second skin. Like Alan Sugar, the Lad has a direct approach to the workplace, he’s there to get stuff done and will not have time for much chitter chatter. The Lad works to his own schedule, so expect to hear him screeching into the office car park in his sports car at roughly mid-morning. As much as you’re overwhelmed by his over-sprayed Old Spice, you still admire his charisma and skill when it comes to any meetings and presentations.
The Crazy Cake Lady
When you’ve had enough of the Health Freak’s latest beetroot recipe, the Crazy Cake Lady is always at hand to supply endless beverages and sugar-laden delights. When they’re not showing you the latest cat giff on Buzzfeed, the Crazy Cake Lady is making sure that you have an endless supply of culinary refreshment. Whilst The Crazy Cake Lady’s work productivity isn’t winning awards, those chocolate biscuits will do the trick. One yawn, and the Crazy Cake Lady will leap to the kettle and rescue you. And of course they already know it’s milk and one sugar. Pick your colleague, get your scissors out, and enjoy your perfect balance of office co-workers!